Touching Me....Touching You

When I was younger, my mum and dad used to always refer to me as 'the cuddley one' - they weren't referring to the fact that I had issues with a bit of puppy fat however. Supposedly, of the three of us, I was the one that always wanted to be in physical contact with my parents. As a youngster it was generally my mum, and I have been told that as a toddler I would throw tantrums if I couldn't get close enough to touch her (this seems weird to me now since my mum and I don't really get on and I can happily avoid seeing her for months at a time if at all possible).

It struck me this week that I am still a very tactile person and have a need to be in physical contact with people - my boyfriend often moans at me for being too public with my affection (in a light hearted way of course), but I honestly think that if I had more people I could feel safe being able to touch, I'd always be cuddling people. The problem I have is that the introvert in me doesn't feel at all comfortable hugging or touching people unless I am comfortable with them so I have this strange juxtaposition of a need to touch and a fear of touching.

Now, as I'm sure you all know, once anyone has had a few drinks, their inhibitions will drop and I guess I should consider myself lucky that no one has got angry or tried to take advantage as I do tend to become very touchy feely once I've had a few drinks, but it saddens me that for many people, men in particular, if a woman makes physical contact, they automatically assume that something more intimate will follow. I have a good, male friend who is also fairly tactile so at least I have a go-to safe person, but in all honesty I love a good cuddle, but I love my boyfriend and would never, ever cheat on him or do anything to hurt him because he is just so amazing.

Going back to a time before I met my lovely other half, I think a lot of the behaviour which I regret from my early twenties stems from a desire to have that physical contact I crave.

Something else just occurred to me - whenever I go out with my work friends, I always try to get my boyfriend to join us later in the night and he's generally too busy or has other plans and it's only just come to me why I like him to come out and that's because when he's there, I have someone to cuddle that isn't going to find me weird or isn't going to expect something I'm unwilling to give. Isn't that strange?

Anyway, it's hard work being a tactile introvert as you're left with two conflicting behaviour patterns, but at least having a boyfriend who understands me, I get the best of both worlds!